ronde van retaard part i

shit balls! i was meaning to create this post a long time ago but just have not gotten around to it. anyhow, while in sweden i competed in the ronde van retaard which roughly translates to a round of retarded. although it is a swedish event the origin of the name is dutch. i have not idea why. the race tries to emulate the conditions racers had back in the day. single speed or fixed gear off roading madness. geared bikes were allowed, but they had to tape their shifters.

my retaarde bike!

there were about 100 racers that boarded the train at seven in the morning to a completely random countryside location outside of gothenburg. lots of awesome bikes to see, most of them specifically built up for the retaard and one of which had been iodized in copper as an experiment. it looked fresh. my cousin observed that there were definitely more brakes this year then there had been in the past. apparently it was typical for someone to give up or break a bone so riders were getting wiser.

see the copper!

we received our numbers and after a short swedish announcement we continued as a group to the official starting point. the ride was split up into 10 bouts with a total course length of about 62 miles. sounds like a piece of cake but don't be fooled, this had some extreme terrain to conquer. me and my janky ass bridgestone that my cousin hans and i put together the day before. the bike itself wasn't janky but the spring in my chain tensioner was not cooperating and practically every time i pedaled the chain would jump. without toe clips and through the rain and mud, my feet kept slipping and i found myself becoming quite frustrated but i was determined to finish.

we rode through the farmland and i saw in the distance giant scottish cows which reminded me of jim henson creatures. during the 2nd bout we were rounding a corner along one of these fields and i heard an amplified voice. a solitary figure was standing on top of a boulder with a megaphone reciting swedish poetry, and unbeknownst to us, was filming everyone ride by:

crazy swedes.